In many ways, though, I let this become my identity rather than just a part of how I was made. I would naturally fall into doing administration wherever I was. I could organize projects and tasks in my sleep. My head was able to look at a task and figure out the best way to get it done. My friend, Chris, once told me that I was good at making plans. And if "Plan A" wasn't working, my "Plan B" was figuring out how to make "Plan A" still work. "Plan C" was then coming up with a different "Plan B." I laughed when he first said this to me, but only because I realized how true this was. It is not a bad thing...and I am the type of person that helps keeps things running with you work with lots of visionary, big picture leaders. I knew my role. I reveled in my role. I knew who I was.
A few years ago, I felt led to start working more with people and less with projects. Yes, there are still things to organize when it comes to working with people, but the difference is the hearts of the people are involved. My focus was not necessarily being changed and my administrative gifts were not being thrown out the window...that would have made Chris panic on more than one outreach ;-) No, it wasn't erasing every way that I was made...it was broadening that focus. I joked that projects were easier because they didn't talk back, they didn't hurt my feelings, they did what I created them to do and if not, there was usually a clear cut, easy-to-see way of fixing the problem. People...not so much. I was in for more of an adventure than I thought I signed up for and, truth be told, it was probably better that I didn't know at the time because I may not have agreed.
I began working with schools, outreaches and a lot more people-focused ministry. This doesn't mean that I was a super introvert that avoided people at all costs before, but I was the behind-the-scenes person to the core...and yet had a great passion for people. God is working on me...a lot. He has shown me so much of Himself through this type of ministry. He put this "hat" on my head with a lot of grace and directed my way. It was through staffing the schools and outreaches that I even came to Cambodia in the first place and God was able to fully awaken the love for this nation in my heart. I actually find it a little humorous (in my own sort of way) that my main ministry focus here is discipleship and leading teams...all "people" stuff. And I love it. Not as a pat to my back, but I would say that I possess fairly good interpersonal skills...and learning to utilize these in an inter-cultural setting is always interesting. Stretching. Challenging. Exciting. Fulfilling. I am humbled that God pours Himself through me and into the Harvester students, my English students, the small group, and hopefully anyone else that I meet. The most recent Harvesters group just completed their three month course and we had a small graduation ceremony this past Sunday.
Lately, I have been doing more and more administrative tasks, helping the pastor with organizing incoming outreach teams, writing church newsletters, doing communication with foreign contacts and, in general, wearing the "pastor's personal assistant" hat. In the last few days, after meetings and making calendars to organize things, there is something inside of me that is breathing a sigh of relief for being utilized again...and also groaning a little like a muscle that hasn't been used extensively in a while. But I love it!
Please pray for me as I work on maintaining the proper balance for the different ways that God is using me...the ways that God is continually developing me. And if anyone ever wants to come to Cambodia for an outreach, rest assured that I will be planning your time with the utmost care and skill...but making sure there will be fun in there too!! ;-)
1 comment:
Wow. I wonder where you could have gotten the project/planning bent.
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